Nostalgia
by Blade of Justice
Summary: Nostalgia does different things to different people. Some will look at the past and see it for what it was. Some will get try to forget their past ever happened. Others still will yearn for the old days. As it turns out, Goku might just be in that last category.


No matter how much Goku loved his mountaintop home, and that was quite a lot if he did say so himself, he had always found there was something comforting about being at the beach. Something warm. Something special. Something... nostalgic, maybe?

No, that wasn't right. That couldn't have been, could it? He had never even been to the beach in his childhood when he lived with his grandfather, but the mountains made sense. Much more sense as far as nostalgia was concerned. It was living with Master Roshi and the others on that tiny island that had given him that nostalgic appreciation for it. Perhaps it was more the memories of those times rather than any "real" appreciation for the beach itself that made Goku feel the way he did about the beach.

Whatever the reason might have been, the fact of the matter remained that he liked the beach. Small islands in particular, especially a _particularly_ small one with a house he felt he knew just as well as he knew his own. In general, though, over the years he had found that he had indeed grown fond of the beach. It wasn't a strange thing to be fond of, but there was still this nagging feeling in the back of his mind that told him there was something more to it. Something missing.

Maybe it was just because he wasn't actually _at_ the beach a lot. He didn't get to go as often as he would like, which was quite strange if one thought about it. He could be anywhere he wanted at any time at all, be it the city, the mountains, or even the moon or the afterlife! If he wanted to be at the beach, couldn't he just go?

It was as if some sort of force was stopping him, unconsciously, preventing him from going there. He knew he liked it, so why was he avoiding it? Why would he? What could possibly stop _Goku_ from doing something that he wanted to do?

Whatever it was, it was there, and it didn't seem to be changing any time soon.

So naturally, it had been a welcome surprise when his friends had suggested that they all forgo their usual get together in the city at Capsule Corp and have a fantastic barbecue on the beach. This hit so many of Goku's sweet spots he couldn't help but he thrilled at the prospect of the thing.

Friends!

Beach!

**FOOD!**

Goku spent the days prior to the event bouncing around like a little kid, much to the initial amusement and eventual annoyance of his family and friends. The fact that he could be anywhere in the universe in an instant meant if he wanted to tell you how excited he was, he would. Even if he had just yesterday.

Thankfully Goku eventually settled down (in part thanks to a swift frying pan to the head; "Chichi, do you _want_ me to get amnesia again?!" "Maybe I do!"), and the last few days prior to the big barbecue passed in relative peace. No aliens, monsters, androids, long lost siblings. demons, or gods were on their way to cause trouble either.

And yet... There was something about this whole going to the beach thing that made his stomach tighten.

Maybe it was hunger.

Yeah, it was probably just the hunger.

* * *

The barbecue party had been a rousing success, to say the very least. The large group of friends enjoyed each others' company, talked about old times, argued playfully (and not so playfully in some cases), and played around on the beach like friends would often do. Like these friends would often do, in fact. There were games of various kinds played, and all in all, everyone was having a great time.

And of course, they all chowed down. How could this group not?

As things were finally winding down, rather than bugging someone for a fight, Goku found himself standing alone on the shore. Maybe the salty ocean air had gotten to him.

He had decided to take a walk for some reason or another, he couldn't remember now, but though he hadn't meant to do it, it seemed like he had gotten himself quite far from the festivities. His bare feet were being tickled by the coming and going of the waves, and a pleasant sensation washed over him each time the coming waves crashed against his bare skin. It was a familiar, nostalgic feeling, yet it was somehow alien as well. It was avoiding the alien part of this sensation that had likely driven him to want to avoid the beach for so long.

Now that he was here... Goku thought maybe he could place it.

It reminded him of his childhood.

No, not quite his childhood, but later on. It made him think of his years with Master Roshi. He closed his eyes, taking in the feeling if the world around him. Despite how playful he had been feeling and acting just a little while ago, that all powerful feeling of nostalgia washed over him, and for a brief moment, it was as though he was drowning in it. As if it was more natural to him than breathing, he began to repeat some old, well practiced routines from his years on the island, when some of the hardest problems in life had been as simple as finding a rock or carrying around a turtle shell.

So much had changed since then. It was like he wasn't the same person anymore.

"I was wondering what you were up to. Really takes you back, huh?"

Goku had known his best friend was approaching before he heard him speak. Such were the benefits of being able to sense energy. The Saiyan opened his eyes after taking a moment to finish the string of movements he had been in the middle of to find Krillin standing next to him, stretching of all things. Goku couldn't help but smile at the sight. Just like old times.

"You said it. Gonna join me?"

The smaller man smirked up at his friend. What else would he be stretching out here in the waves for?

"Nah, I just had this urge to leave the party and start stretching over here for no reason."

Goku laughed at his friend, which earned him a grin in return. There was a time when he would have believed that joke of Krillin's without question. In fact, there were times he still believed things he probably shouldn't. Even so, if there was one person that couldn't fool him anymore, it was Krillin. They knew each other too well for that.

Goku's smile faltered somewhat as that thought crossed his mind, though Krillin didn't seem to notice. The smaller man had begun a series of movements of his own, so precise and practiced that a casual observer would be shocked to find out this man hadn't done any real martial arts in years.

Goku wouldn't be though. These things just became part of you, no matter how much time passed. His oldest son was living proof of that.

They practiced in silence for a while. The presence of the other gave each of them a familiar feeling, like they had just discovered an old keepsake they hadn't seen in years and were admiring it for the first time all over again. It was comfortable. Familiar. Nostalgic.

Goku recalled Krillin's words again.

"Really takes you back, huh?"

That feeling in his stomach from before resurfaced, and given all the food he had eaten a little while ago, he knew it couldn't be hunger this time.

It... It really _had_ been a long time since he and Krillin had done something like this, hadn't it?

It made Goku think. Contrary to popular belief, Goku did in fact think. A thoughtless person wouldn't have given up life with his family and friends to protect them. No one could do that. Goku was simple, certainly, and honest to a fault, but he was still no stranger to thinking.

Eventually, the pair of fighters stopped their movements and just stood there, enjoying the familiar setting as well as the even more company. The two friends watched the waves in silence for a while, listening to them crash gently against the shore.

After what seemed like an eternity of this, Goku realized finally had to get it off his chest.

"I really hate being a Saiyan sometimes."

Krillin swiveled around to stare at Goku, slack jawed. He was sure he had heard his friend wrong. The serenity of the moment had been replaced by sheer confusion on Krillin's part... but as he looked at his friend, confusion was replaced with concern. Goku's expression was somber. It was an expression very few people had gotten to see on the man, and as time passed those people continued to decrease as Goku's power and responsibilities increased.

But Krillin had seen that look before. He was one of the few who had been around Goku long enough to have seen it more than once, which in itself made him among a group that could be counted on a single hand.

He knew Goku wasn't kidding around about this.

He just... didn't get it.

"Why?"

Goku kicked at the water awkwardly, accidentally sending a large wave against the tide from the sheer force of it. He winced as he watched various forms of sea life go flying as the wave went out to sea.

"Don't you ever think that it isn't fair, Krillin?"

Goku was frowning, looking to his friend honestly. Krillin, in turn, frowned right back, _honestly_ not getting it.

"I'm sorry Goku, but I'm just not following you on this one. What should I think isn't fair here? Do you miss your tail or something?"

Krillin almost laughed at the look that crossed Goku's face at his question. If something had been really wrong, then such a comical expression just wouldn't have been possible. Good! He had been worried something bad was going on for a second there.

"No! No, it's not about me." Goku paused for a moment, considering those words, before shaking his head. He shifted somewhat, an odd thing to do for such a precise martial artist. "No, it _is_ about me, but it's not _just_ about me."

Krillin raised an eyebrow. Well that made a heaping load of sense.

"Can you give me something more to work with, Goku?" the former monk tried earnestly. He didn't like seeing his carefree friend acting so strangely, and quite honestly, he _was_ starting to get a little worried.

"Um..." Considering this, Goku crossed his arms, clearly trying to find the right words. If this were a normal situation, it might be funny, but it seemed like whatever was bugging Goku was something more than his usual. The Saiyan looked like he was deep in thought and Krillin really had to wonder what was going on in that spiky haired head of his.

Just as Krillin was considering splashing his friend with water to snap him out of it, Goku snapped his fingers. Krillin nearly fell over in surprise as Goku turned to him, but thankfully Goku didn't seem to notice.

"Hey Krillin. I've been meaning to tell you something I found out in space. The reason you don't have a nose is because you're part a race of noseless alien warriors."

Krillin stared at Goku incredulously, waiting for the man to crack a smile, but the man's face was like a rock. Where did that come from? The Saiyan thing? Surely, especially with that timing, Goku was playing some kind of weird, Goku joke on him...

But Goku didn't show any signs of someone who had just played a joke. He looked deathly serious. Krillin had never known Goku to lie, especially about things like this... Swallowing nervously, Krillin reached for the space on his face where a normal person's nose should have been.

This had meant something like that all this time? He had just thought it was normal for him!

"They were amazing fighters, Krillin..." Goku started off even more solemn, looking to the sea with a mysterious look on his face. Krillin recalled the times when he had delivered bad news about some villain or another. Was it really possible...? Could it be...? "They were terribly cruel though. I found it out in space. They rivaled the Saiyans in a lot of ways, you know. Their power... It was like it was part of who they were."

"W-Why didn't you say so sooner...?!" Krillin breathed, gritting his teeth at Goku's nonchalance here. He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to this, but if nothing else, he had to know for his daughter's sake. If he was some kind of blood lust fueled alien, he had to know. His mind was racing, unable to believe this... In fact, Goku better have a good reason for keeping it from him, or maybe he shouldn't!

"Well, with Trunks and the androids, it... sort of slipped my mind...?" Goku smiled weakly. Krillin wondered about that. "I only remembered just now because of this other thing."

The two men stared at each other for a moment. Goku's lips began to turn upward, slowly forming a sheepish grin. Krillin's eyes widened.

He couldn't believe he had fallen for that! That was his job!

"Hey, that's not fair! Just because I don't have a nose doesn't mean you can tell me I'm not hum..." Krillin trailed off as he returned to the start of this conversation and then mentally replaced "doesn't have a nose" with "has a tail." And then it clicked. Boy did it click. He had thought Goku was springing an uncharacteristically mean joke on him, but that was just it.

Goku had _lived_ that joke.

As realization dawned on Krillin, he found himself looking at his friend in an entirely new light. Sure, they had all been surprised that Goku had actually been an alien, but he had never really wondered what that had been like for Goku. No one had thought any differently of him, at least Krillin liked to think so (he certainly didn't, the man was his best friend!). But what about Goku, who had been born and raised human?

As Krillin became the one with the somber expression, he realized that Goku was still smiling at him too.

"If it helps any, I still think you look good without a-"

"Forget about my nose!" Krillin cried in exasperation, though it made him feel better to see that Goku didn't seem too down about whatever was on his mind. Maybe he was over thinking this? Though then what was _Goku_ thinking...?

"But... How can I forget it if you don't even have it in the first-"

"_Goku!_"

Laughing openly now, Goku resisted the urge to give his friend a hearty slap on the back. He'd learned the hard way that that never ended well. ... Well, it wasn't him that had learned the hard way so much as Chichi, Bulma, Hercule, Chichi again, Master Roshi, and Hercule a few more times. The guy was just too funny for Goku to resist giving him a friendly smack!

He knew Krillin wouldn't get knocked over like any of them, but he still sometimes didn't hold back enough even now, after all these years of practice.

This train of thought returned Goku to his original issue, and his laughter began to subside as his smile began to shrink. Krillin took quick notice of this, and not just because he was glad his friend wasn't laughing at him anymore.

"Okay... Seriously now, I think I get what you're saying, Goku," Krillin offered as he ran a hand through his hair. Another thing that had changed. He was no longer bald, though with his current haircut, some of the marks from his childhood as a monk that were still on his head to this day were visible for a change. "It's not fair."

Goku's smile returned somewhat. He knew Krillin would listen to him!

"Why bring this up now though?" Krillin tilted his head as he crossed his arms. Surely this was something that was more relevant years and years ago, not long after the revelation that most people in their circle had forgotten Goku was an alien beyond the fact it gave him incredible power. "Has it been bugging you since Raditz?"

Goku shook his head, which surprised Krillin.

Okay then. Maybe he didn't get it.

"I don't mind being a different species, if that's what you're thinking," Goku started, confirming to Krillin that he didn't get it after all. There goes that. "Piccolo's an egg laying plant man, Buu's a walking blob that eats almost as much as I do, and some of our best friends are animals. I still don't even know for sure what Mr. Popo is."

Krillin nodded at Goku's reasoning, though he suddenly felt somewhat nervous. Piccolo would have surely heard Goku's description of him from across the beach and chances were he wouldn't like it.

"So... What is it then?"

Krillin couldn't help but be genuinely curious now. If it wasn't the obvious, then what could have Goku feeling this way?

"I..." For a moment, Goku faltered. It occurred to him that what he wanted to say could be taken as a huge blow to his friend's pride. Even if it was true, even if they all knew it, for some reason — a reason that tied back to his youth — it felt strange. The words didn't feel right like they might if he were talking to Piccolo or Vegeta or someone else.

The former monk tilted his head.

"You what?" He couldn't exactly offer any advice to his friend if said friend didn't tell him what kind of advice he might need. "C'mon, big guy! Nothing you tell me now is going to be nearly as bad as what Piccolo is going to do to us for what you said a minute ago, so don't worry about it."

Goku found himself smiling. Krillin was always good at making him do that — not that it was ever necessarily hard for him to under normal circumstances, but still... In any case, it helped him enough so that he found himself comfortable enough to say the peculiar thing that had been bugging him.

"I don't like how much stronger I am sometimes."

Krillin stared. For a moment, it was the only thing he could do.

"I'm sorry, can you start over? I think my ears just broke."

Goku laughed. Now that he had said it, even if Krillin was pretending he hadn't heard — and Goku _knew_ he was pretending — he felt a lot lighter now. He hadn't realized how long that had been bothering him for, but boy was it nice to just get it out there! And even he knew just how out there what he was saying could sound.

"I know you heard me, buddy." Goku shook his head, stretching his arms out behind him before resuming the movements he had been making earlier. "Don't get confused though! I _love_ being strong, but it's the strong_er_ part that bugs me. The part that comes with being a Saiyan when mostly everyone else isn't."

Krillin furrowed his brows, though that was at least less crazy sounding than the first thing had been — it still didn't make any sense to him though. Resigning himself to what was probably going to be a fairly confusing conversation, Krillin too began to go over old moves. As he went over his routine, he tried to understand what his oldest friend could be implying, but it was becoming increasingly obvious to him that he would only come up with blanks.

Finally, he knew his only option was asking. He wouldn't get anywhere doing anything else, after all.

"What's the difference? You could still beat the pants off of me either way, right?"

Krillin hadn't expected much of a response from that comment. After all, he had long since accepted that he, despite perhaps being one of the strongest humans on the planet, had been outclassed long before he had given up fighting seriously. He was okay with that, and he figured Goku was too.

As it turned out, that was the exact thing Goku was _not_ okay with. The awkward silence that followed what was supposed to be a lighthearted question told Krillin as much.

Now Krillin understood.

Goku loved being strong plenty, but in an ironic twist, in becoming strong, largely in thanks to his heritage, he had become strong_er_ than the people he would have liked to stay matched with. Friends, comrades, and so on. Goku longed for the days when he could walk up to his best friend or even his former-martial artist wife and spar freely with them, just for fun. He longed for the days when losing didn't mean the end of the world — it just meant he had to be the one to get the ingredients for dinner as he and his opponent later laughed about their earlier battle over a well cooked meal. He longed for the days when he didn't outclass almost everyone else to the point that most of them put together still didn't make up a fraction of his strength.

After all, Goku loved being strong. In being that, he loved the competition. Another thing Goku loved was his friends.

In being strong_er_, he could no longer compete with his friends anymore.

In being strong_er_... He was getting closer and closer to being alone.

No wonder he was standing out here by himself remembering the days before he "became" a Saiyan, the days when Krillin was still capable of beating him up!

Krillin crossed his arms, no longer interested in going over the routines of the past. Perhaps that hadn't actually helped things, now that he could see what the problem was. But what would? He looked up at his taller friend, finally managing to get a sigh out.

"So what are you gonna do about it?"

Goku blinked.

"I... huh?" The Saiyan didn't understand the question. The only thing _he_ could do was... get... even stronger...? He didn't think that would really do much of anything as far as this particular situation was concerned. Just what was Krillin driving at here? "I dunno, Krillin. What _can_ I do?"

Krillin nodded.

"That's it. That's it exactly, Goku. You can't do anything about this." Krillin placed his palm on his chest, looking out towards the horizon once more as he continued to speak. "Listen, Goku... While I get what you're saying, I'll be honest with you. I can't relate to it. I wouldn't know how. I'm _not_ stronger. Even my wife could beat me in a fight if she wanted to, I bet. Comes with the territory, you know?"

Goku considered pointing out that he didn't know and that he was kind of scared of the _idea_ of knowing what being married to Android 18 was like, but he smartly kept his mouth shut on the subject of Krillin's married life.

"That's okay though..." Krillin continued, this time motioning towards all of the people still left at the party. "So you're stronger than most of us. So you and I can't go at it the way we used to. What're you gonna do, call up the dragon and wish we were every time you get stronger?"

Even Goku could imagine the negative consequences that something like that could bring — and how easily too!

... And yet...

"Would you want me to?" For a brief moment, Goku still couldn't help but ask. Not because he would ever do it, because he knew full well what Krillin's answer probably would be, but... He wondered. "Just you."

"Me?" Krillin raised an eyebrow. He stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Sure, that kind of strength would be great and all, but you know me. I'm not cut out for the fighting scene anymore — but more importantly, I wouldn't want to get stronger like that anyway. Wouldn't be right."

Goku smiled broadly as he got just the answer he had expected.

"I figured you might say that!"

As Krillin considered asking Goku why he had bothered asking in the first place, he then realized that right there — right there — was the answer to Goku's problem. If it could really be called an answer.

"Well, that just goes to show, doesn't it? You know me. You get me, and I'd like to think I get you. No matter how nostalgic you are for the past, you know who I am now." Krillin offered his friend a smile, crossing his arms as he nodded to himself. "I think it makes sense to miss the old days. A lot of great stuff happened back then, and boy was it a lot simpler. I think everybody thinks about stuff like that — I know I do sometimes. But I _also_ know you wouldn't take that back and give up what you have now, right?" At Goku's nod, Krillin continued. "Exactly. It's great to think about how great the past was, but I bet you're glossing over all the less fun parts. You couldn't fly, for one thing. Remember that?"

"You know... I actually _had_ forgotten..." Goku seemed genuinely surprised as Krillin's words sunk in. He really _had_ only been thinking about how great certain things had been, hadn't he? Now that he thought about it — now that he _really_ thought about it — while the past had been great, he hadn't had a family then either. No wife, no sons, no daughter-in-law or even wacky brother-in-law... Giving his friend a mile wide smile, Goku found himself feeling better than he had expected himself to after opening up about this topic. "I hadn't thought about it like that, Krillin. You're right."

Krillin offered his friend a knowing grin.

"Duh. That's why you've got me around."

For a moment, the pair held their expressions. Krillin wore a smirk that seemed more like the ones of his childhood, and Goku wore a smile that seemed even more innocent and childlike than usual. In that brief instant, it was really like they were just two kids looking to train on an island again.

And then they burst out laughing.

Though they had been playing the parts of their childhood selves in that moment, there had been something else there — something much more important had been said. Krillin hadn't just been saying he would be around to be right. He had been saying that he would simply be around, that no matter how their strengths changed in the coming years, the two would always be friends.

And as the pair headed back to the party in considerably higher spirits, a friendship reborn like a phoenix fresh from the ashes, Goku knew that from then on, he wouldn't have any problems going to the beach.

... At least he wouldn't until Android 18 eventually called up Chichi and told her that her husband was banned from the Kame House until further notice after he'd eaten most of their food, anyway.


End file.
